Waking up and realizing you’re fat.
I grew up a very skinny girl. Up until my 29th year, I weighed about 95 lbs. All that despite the fact that I eat every 3 hours and my meals are composed of the unhealthiest concoctions available in the market today.
In college, my meals would start at 6AM, followed by a 10AM snack as soon as my first class ended. Then my friends would be astounded by my McDonald’s lunch: Big Mac, spaghetti, french fries, caramel sundae, and apple pie. I tried to lift weights to develop my triceps because I was so skinny, my clothes looked like they were draped on a hanger. That hanger would be me. (My stats then were 33-23-33-35 inches: bust, waist, hips, butt.)
The skinny problem persisted up until my 29th year. Then curves gradually grew in, which I found to be a pleasant development. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed my 110 lbs body.
Suddenly all my relatives were exclaiming about how fat I had become. They thought it happened overnight. One cousin even repeated the words, “You’re so fat!” over and over during one reunion…that is, until I told her to stop.
I didn’t believe I was getting fat until I bent over and accidentally ripped the seat of my pants open. I heard the RIIIIIIIP before I actually felt it.
See how big that tear is? At first I told myself that this particular pair is cheap anyway. It was bound to happen, and it was a miracle that it lasted for two years. I was in denial until this happened…
The RIIIIIIIIP came as I was jumping up and down to get myself into the pants. I couldn’t believe that I had ruined my favorite jeans. It had been with me for three to four years and had survived my waist growth from 23 to 25 inches.
I think I cried a little when this happened. I can’t even turn this into daisy dukes because it got torn at the crotch area. My favorite pair had been ruined forever.
Can you imagine how many size 25 denims I had stored in my closet? Nearly all my jeans are size 25! I started buying size 27s, but now they’ve also become small. I checked my stats again and the tape measure came up with this: 35-28-35-38 inches (bust, waist, hips, butt).
Not only is this a blow to my ego, it’s also a blow to my wallet. I now have to donate all my size 25s to my sister while I have to buy new ones. Or resort to borrowing my mom’s loose dresses…loose because I’m now much fatter than my mom.
Suddenly, I know how most women feel when they look at models. I used to theoretically condemn our multimedia industry for displaying fake (overly liquefied) models on print and TV ads. Now I passionately dislike them. I also found myself staring at actresses’ thighs and legs and wonder how they keep those gams thin, especially those women who are in their 30s and 40s. I never cared about the figures of actors and actresses before.
In my newly depressed state, I began unearthing my old photos to figure out how much I should lose, which weight I should go back to.
Me and my grandma, waiting for our flight to Bangkok. I was 18 then. Um. Ok, I don’t really want to go back to those bony arms even though my triceps already showed. My cheeks and jawline were also too defined, they made me look older than my current age (I’m in my early 30s now).
My 26th birthday. I want to get back to those abs, that’s for sure. I didn’t have to exercise for them. I could eat anything. But they were well-defined. Since I am an ecto-mesomorph, I had cuts. My high school best friend Cha would even joke about me developing my abs by simply breathing.
Looking at that face, though, I realize that the 26-year-old me still looks older than I am now. So no, I don’t think this is the right weight.
This photo was taken last year, at the Galleria de Magallanes, where my friend Dino lives. I was celebrating Christmas with the VC crew. The green turtleneck I wore defined my newly established curves, which I only enjoyed for two years. See, my cheeks and jawline looked healthy, my arms were normally shaped, I had no love handles. I was still generally thin, but with fat in the right places.
Then the awakening came, when Paul de Vera took my photo at the Soundbytes exhibit last June:
If you click this photo to view the larger image, you’ll notice that I now have the dreaded armpit fat. The arms that I had wanted to fatten up during my college years did fatten up…with cellulite to boot! It’s so disgusting I can’t even bear to zoom this picture in.
I was also shocked to find out that I am now a whopping 120lbs. My friend Cha is 115lbs and even she was shocked that I am now heavier than her, when she used to be the bigger half.
Along with all this weight gain came several health problems. That’s why I’m now cutting back on rice and totally removing meat from my diet. I keep looking for interesting vegetarian places, while making sure I get protein from fish and chicken. I’m also on the lookout for a good way to exercise because I don’t really want to go to the gym. Just looking at those equipment makes me feel lethargic already.
Anyway, I will be chronicling my road to better health. Wish me luck!